When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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