I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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