I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and she was petting her beer can
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
