if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
