Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
