And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
