i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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