I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize