I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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