did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
