just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I want is dick and wine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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