I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
