It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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