You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have fence marks all over my body
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
