you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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