Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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