anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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