so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
