went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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