You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
