but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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