he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
