Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
