My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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