It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
