So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
