You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize