from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nutella sex= disaster
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And then he peed in my hair
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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