life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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