TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
