She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
