So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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