i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
