U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
