My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
