I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
