I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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