dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
