I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize