video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
