It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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