I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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