My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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