so that wasnt chicken after all
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
