You're my little dorito
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize