drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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