she was so not down for the gang bang
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
