It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize