All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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