who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
