When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
