Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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