Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
