from now on my penis is your penis
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
