I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
