Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Randomize
