I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
