theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
