I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
this hospital has no fireball
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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