In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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