He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dick very happy bro
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
