went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
