mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
