Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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