this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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