i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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