i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
