I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize