Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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