The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize