thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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