all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
