I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize