butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
