I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
