Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
