dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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