I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
