One girl and one boy is just not enough.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
