Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
