The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
