Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
