You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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