I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize