dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
