even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
bring money and cleavage
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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