They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am mentally ready for anal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
