idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
