seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
