That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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