Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize