I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
