proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
