AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
