I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
