mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How does one acquire holy water?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
